Anticipation makes your imagination run wild.
It singlehandedly makes mountains out of mole hills, turns mundane occurrences into signs from the cosmos and converts days into an eternity. Anticipation is expectation bloated with hope, dread or whatever other emotion our minds stir up… and if you can’t tell, I’m wading neck deep in it.
Specifically, I have site placement on the brain. Over the past couple of weeks, it seems like the only thing anyone can talk about. As much as I try to distract myself, the ticker tape in my mind keeps scrolling though the same unanswered questions: What region will I be in? Do I have an urban or rural site? Who will my counterpart be? What will my new host family be like? Will there be other volunteers close to me? While I’m trying to stay as open as possible, some preferences for my site have definitely emerged.
The Futile Pursuit of Happiness
During this process, an essay I read as a freshman in college also comes to mind. The essay is called “The Futile Pursuit of Happiness” by Jon Gertner and was originally published in The New York Times Magazine in 2003. The article summarizes a body of research related to emotional and behavioral prediction. In it, Gertner argues that people are lousy at predicting how they will feel in future. Daniel Gilbert, one of the article’s featured researchers, adds that:
“Our research simply says that whether it’s the thing that matters or the thing that doesn’t, both of them matter less than you think they will… Things that happen to you or that you buy or own—as much as you think they make a difference to your happiness, you’re wrong by a certain amount. You’re overestimating how much of a difference they make. None of them make the difference you think. And that’s true of positive and negative events.”
As a college freshman I clung to this quote. I thought the article was depressing and left wondering: So what? If our brains are constantly normalizing stimuli we think will make us happy or unhappy, does anything we do matter? And if this is true, why bother pursuing or getting excited about anything?
It’s All About Perspective
Time and life experience have helped me to see the article in a different light. While I still find mistakes in expectation and wanting the wrong things disconcerting, the essay does speak to an important human trait– adaptation. Just as “our eye adapts to different levels of illumination” or our muscles get stronger in response to physical stress, we adjust to changing circumstances. Moreover, I think the amount of change that we can withstand is greater than what we give ourselves credit for. I’ve seen it in patients learning to adapt to permanent disabilities, I’ve seen it in loved ones coping with major life obstacles and I know I’ll see it in myself regardless of what happens during the site presentation.
As pointless as it is to stress in the meantime, I wouldn’t pass up this moment either. Who wants to give up the excitement of anticipation? Some of my most enduring memories involve pawing over unopened Christmas presents as a kid or thinking the world was going to end over dumb decisions I made last year in high school. Such “caricatures of the future” and “over inflated assessments” make us human and motivate us to seek out new experiences. With time I think they teach us a little bit more about ourselves and the things that bring us true satisfaction.
Carrots and Sticks
At the end of Gertner’s essay he closes with a quote by Gilbert in which he wonders, “maybe it’s important for there to be carrots and sticks in the world, even if they are illusions.” I’ll go a step further and say we need them. It’s okay to hope as long as you stay open to other possibilities. Now excuse me while I go chase my carrot.
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